There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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