This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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