I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
