i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
