you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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