Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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