Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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