I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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