I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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