Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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