i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
