I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Fuck appropriateness.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
