Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
