He called his prostate his "boner button".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize