operation harelip BJ is a go
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
