nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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