member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
