i jhust puked up my retainher.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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