At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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