my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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