Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm passing your future prison.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
