i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
