he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
