the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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