the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
