Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
