the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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