at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
