what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
