i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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