she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
