Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
