porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
this is an emotional support booty call
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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