i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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