Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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