Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
