I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It was confusing and full of hummus
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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