I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
