You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
