Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
