I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize