My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize