Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So much rum. So many feels.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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