we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
