Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
