Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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