i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
