I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
