I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
