I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
