Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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