There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
