why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
