How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
