put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
