Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
