You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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