well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
