just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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