I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
