Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
