I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
