i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
