In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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