I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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