I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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