yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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