He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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